Driving home after learning of this project, in my case, Satya, truthfulness, I left thinking, “How is this going to work? There are so many areas that I could work on. Where do I even begin?” It was as I was driving home that afternoon, leaving late and rushing to meet my family for dinner that I realized exactly where my focus needed to be. It struck me as I was honking at the car in front of me for stopping “too long” at a stop sign. “How dare he!” I thought. Doesn’t he know that I need to be somewhere in 10 minutes? Doesn’t he know I need to see my family? I need to get somewhere. I am in a hurry. I, I, I, me, me, me.
I haven’t always been this way. I haven’t always felt so rushed, so pressured for time. Last September my life changed more than I could have ever imagine when I introduced my sweet baby boy into the world. I couldn’t even begin to tell you all of the wonderful life changes I have experienced since he arrived but of course there have been some challenges along the way too. You could say that my husband and my life has gotten somewhat chaotic when it comes to the all too familiar word; TIME. Where is it? Time that is. There sure doesn’t seem to be enough in my world. I have found myself rushing to get from one place to another because when I actually have the chance to get out of my house to run errands, practice asana, meet a friend for coffee, whatever it may be, I only have a set amount of time and I must get everything I possibly can get done within that time. Lets just say the phrase “be present” has been absent in my thoughts for months now. Therefore while in my car going from place to place I am a frantic, rolling of the eye, somewhat crazy, horn-honking mess. Is this really me; someone who cannot even restrain from doing things that are not them? Not at all. After honking at the person in front of me I caught myself thinking; am I thinking the truth? Am I speaking the truth? Am I being the truth? To all three of those questions I answered no. This is the moment my experiment began.
I pulled over to the side of the road and found myself getting very emotional looking from the outside in at this frenzied person, this person who has lost their true self. What had just happened was embarrassing; I was ashamed. I had just left a very powerful 5 hour yoga training where as I was walking out the door I felt so free, so calm, so in touch with myself. Within 5 minutes, what had happened? After honking at this man and catching myself in a state that I do not wish to see myself in, I spent 15 minutes parked on the side of the road scribbling down my thoughts, my emotions and I ended up seeing my experiment was right in front of me. I realized I needed to look in and ponder where I need to go on this journey of growth. Then, I needed to be honest with myself and follow that path even if it brings discomfort. My experiment started the very next second when I put my car into drive.